Greetings gang, I hope everyone had a great Easter weekend! Growing up I never thought much of the bunny-bedecked holiday, but as an adult I've really come to enjoy the atmosphere it creates. And the fact that there is great food involved in the affair doesn't hurt a bit.
Over the past couple months I've been thinking a lot about happiness. Some people are just naturally more prone to be happy and carefree, while others are naturally predisposed with feelings of anxiety, depression, or melancholy. I've always considered myself very fortunate for falling into the first category, especially after developing close friendships over the years with people who experience the latter category. But, even for those who are more commonly happy, there are obviously still periods of time when sadness hits, and they're forced to face feelings they aren't accustomed to. I've been in one of those periods for the past while (unfortunately my venture into the world of women's college softball didn't completely cure me), and last week I finally realized what was going wrong in my life.
There are some people who can just set course in a one direction, and go that way no matter what, and having that set course brings them comfort and peace of mind. Changing course for these individuals takes an extreme amount of energy and time, and as they are changing course they're riddled with doubts and fears and regrets. There are also people like me, who can set course in one direction, but then as the journey progresses, they can turn left or right or turn completely around, all the while doing so without doubts, fears, or regrets. But people like me can also face the feelings of being trapped and confined if they need to stay a certain course, even when they want to make a change, or they change course so often that they end up going in circles. Neither of these two types are better or worse than the other, they both have equal virtues and vices, but it's been important for me understand and embrace which one I am.
What I've come to realize is that for the last 8 months or so I've been plodding down a path which I convinced myself was for the best, even though it never felt right, even though that feeling of confirmation never came. I've been doing so because I'm a grown-up, and I need to do what grown-ups do. And I've attributed my unhappiness to simply being in a foreign environment, outside of my comfort zones, going through growing pains. And while those things have surely been part of my melancholic feelings, I've come to terms with the fact that there is more to the situation. What really brings me true happiness and fulfillment is living life true to what feels right.
I would rather fall flat on my face doing something that I know is correct, even though it's a leap into uncharted territory without promise of success, than walk placidly down a path that leads to a place I have no heart in going to. Life has so many opportunities for joy and helping others, but those things can easily be missed if we're just plodding through life without being alive and full of individual purpose.
I fully acknowledge that there are times when life requires the sacrifice of complete control over ones course, because the older we get, the more obligations and responsibilities we acquire (which can be a great thing). I also fully acknowledge that there are other times when we need to step up for ourselves, take control, and make changes for the betterment of our personal situations (which will often times have positive ripple effects for those we interact with).
This post will probably sound foolhardy and selfish to some reading, and to others it might be just what they need to see. I just hope that anyone who comes across this post is reminded that life is not something that should be passively experienced, but vigorously explored. We should all strive to achieve great goals, but we shouldn't be afraid to take the path less traveled sometimes.
"In all of living have much of fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." - G. B. Hinkley
It's interesting that when we endure pain for a brief (or long) time, the joy of relief is greater. I have struggled with listlessness, depression, anxiety, boredom, and ADD for a long time. Finding a medicine that cured the ADD was a great blessing. But then, there was still the rest of it for a few years now. But it was a joy to find relief from part of it.
ReplyDeleteNow I may have found a medical root to those other items, and they gave me a medicine that gave me a couple days of true peace. The stuff wore off way faster than anyone anticipated, but it is good to know that there may be a solution. Not all stories have a happy ending like that, but that's why the fundamental belief in a better world means so much to me. If I didn't have hope through Christ for a better world, why endure this one? No matter how much the world tries to perfect 'society,' we are perfected one person at a time, and not completely until the next world. And never by any power we have of ourselves. I don't submit to others well - not even God. But I suppose that's why I'm suffering - to begin to learn to submit.
Twice in my life I've left the "adult" path and "jumped" at new pathways that everyone said I shouldn't. I just had to. And when I get to the point when I'm 92 years old and sitting in a rocking chair I will never regret the decisons I've made cause both decisons turned out to be miracles in the making.
ReplyDeleteYou have just one life - live it on your terms, with help from The Universe, God and Karma <3